Shadow

The kernel of the jujube is in my hand for a long time but not getting a chance to hit. The teacher is busy to work out the sum on the board with much concentration. The whole class is silent and engaged in copying the solution in their notebook. But I’m not at all looking at the board. The boy -my target, is seated in the front bench of Deepak and busy to note down lowering his head. He is Pradipta – a newcomer to our class. Very quiet and keeps himself away from others. Everyone in the classroom accepted me as the leader in the class. But he never meets me or tried to speak with me. I have come to know that his father is in a high rank of a government office. Is it the reason to maintain distance! Ok, today he is getting a lesson from me.

I have some followers in the classroom who obey me at every point and others are afraid of me to a great extent Even the teachers don’t say anything because my scorecard is shiny. Suddenly Deepak turned his head and I got the chance to hit the boy. I seldom miss the target. The boy cried out with pain, shook his head and his specs just flew off his head. What’s happened? The boy timidly said-Sir, someone from the back bench hit me badly with the kernel. The teacher was trying to find out who was responsible for it and asking the whole class to give him the name of the culprit. I know that though everyone knows who threw the kernel, nobody will dare to utter my name. The teacher getting no reply warned everyone twice and thrice and he turned back to complete the sum. Deepak whispered something to the boy because I saw the boy turned and stared at me timidly for a while.

When the class was over the boy came to me.
-You hit me so hard! you see that it has grown a ball on my head. I usually suffer from a headache for my poor sight. His eyes became full of tears. I got a pity and a bit repented.
– Sit by me. It’s almost a week you have come to our class. Why didn’t you come to me and exchanged any word with me? I asked him to know.
– Actually, we are staying nearer to Deepak and it is he who told me to be cautious and away from you.
I hurt him greatly I realized.
-Visit our house. My mom will be happy and Rosy too. You can’t imagine how nice he is. He waits for my returning and jumps over me when I come back from somewhere. I must have to play every day with him.

I have also a pet, but it’s a mere street dog. Somehow it appeared and got entry into our house. My mom though never allows him to go into the rooms, yet he is with us better to say loves to stay always with me whenever I’m in-house. I got interested to visit his house when he mentioned his pet.
-Our house is very nearer to Deepak, at Chandra Mohan Roy Lane.

It’s an old town and having many lanes and bye-lanes. Our house is in the different end and far off the school. I don’t know where the lane he mentioned is.

-Yes, I know very well. I replied with an impression.

From next day Pradipta started sitting beside me in the classroom. How I became very keen to every one of his family I now can’t remember but still have a sweet memory of them. His mom became so dear to me and similarly, she always used to treat so warmly that I can’t forget. Though I’m from a very poor family she never differentiated. They lived in the office quarter of his father –the high official. Pradipta had a good collection of storybooks. He allowed me to take for a few days to bring home and to finish it. Books-the only thing that I loved most. I got the love for books from my mom. She was a voracious reader and after the hard toils of household works for the whole day and up to late the hours of the night I used to saw her be with books with intense attention. It’s the mom who injected the love for books into me. In our thatched house books were the only valuable things. Lots of books also in my father’s possession and that remained scattered from bed to table everywhere. Those were very voluminous and not stories and beyond my knowledge. So these I didn’t like, never.

I sometimes asked mom –Dad reads so many books then why is he in a Jute Mill? Why isn’t the government officials as Pradipta’s dad?
-It’s the party’s direction. He has to conduct the labour union in the jute mill. She replied with a bit smile.
-Your father is a communist, he- his party always thinks for the betterment of the life of the labourers and all of the country. Proud and honour towards my dad sparkled in her eyes.

The ambience of the beautifully decorated house of Pradipta always attracted me greatly. But after a few years, Pradipta’s father got transferred. And the relation with Pradipta ended there. For some days I often remembered Pradipta.. their house…Rosy…her mom’s sweet behaviour towards me and all these made me very sad.

Suddenly lay off were imposed in the jute mill and at last, my dad was sacked. The claws of poverty surrounded us. In addition to that, the final school leaving examination became very nearer. Dad started private tuition and mon took the way of earning by sewing. But those were not sufficient to cover up the poverty of us. I appeared in the final exams and passed, also the joint entrance exam for engineering too. Got chance in a renowned government engineering college. But what about to do to pay admission fees! My uncle told my father- Let him get admission. For now, I’m paying the required fees. You may pay back according to your time. I know you very well, if it hurts your honour then it’s …my uncle stopped.

The time was rapidly changing. It was quite evident that the communists were being accepted to the mass. The state government was deploying all the avenues of constitutional powers along with unparliamentary ways to treat the mass. Meeting and processions, slogans, disobey of rules and regulations –a total wildness was prevailing outside the campus of the college. The wave sometimes disrupts the college environment. But I was determined that I have to make a bright carrier, won’t live a struggled life of a communist. Even the college union leaders tried their best to grasp me but failed. Let others try to make a change of government and society but I’m not with them. I don’t know whether any one’s dad is a true communist like my dad, I don’t know anyone here has the experience of the struggle of a communist family. I don’t know whether they have an idea of the sacrifice of a communist like my father has to face. From the first year’s exam, I became famous to all of the college professors and students.

One day the dream got real. The communists formed the government. I hoped that when the dad’s party has come to power, our situation could be improved. Those who used to come regularly to my Dad I noticed they had respect for him for his ideology, his profound knowledge in different matters and subjects, his firm personality and adherence to his goal. But though the ruling power is changed yet no changes have come forth to our family. The same private tuition and sewing still are the only way of earning to our family. Dad’s only reply –I can’t take any advantage from the party. A communist can’t be opportunistic. At last, he was sternly ordered by the party to take the job of a school teacher.

I completed the course and got the degree with a bright mark and then joined a foreign firm. No mom-dad didn’t come with me. They still have the dream to change the society, to work the betterment of the society. I saw the deviation has already been started. Those who were against the communist till last night one by one thronging to warm them up with the power of the state so far they were habituated to enjoy. They have simply changed the colour of the jersey of the political team. One of our neighbour who was an influential member of the former ruling party easily joined the communist party. But at first, for a few days, he gave up his costly dresses and cigars. Now has become one of the zonal committee leaders of the present party. Now very few men come to my dad. He now remains in his corner.

In the meantime passing a few years in abroad I settled in Delhi, the capital of India. No,mom-dad never agreed to stay with me. In a year they stay for some weeks with me. Mom always asks me to be married. I always reply with a smile-I’ll think over it but first, you have to stay with me permanently. Mom has become very lanky I know she is not well. Dad has become more introvert and talk very less, whenever I get a chance I go to visit them. I remain busy with my job in Delhi. The days go by this way.

I booked the ticket for the day just after the retirement of my dad. I have told them that they must have to come to me permanently. But I didn’t know my mom booked her ticket before that date. So I could not meet my mom when I reached home. I have no chance to meet her again.

I returned to Delhi with my dad. The whole day he remains with the books. Seldom he talks. Sometime when his eyes become heavy, he closes his eyes and takes a little bit nap putting a finger on the page as the bookmark. But sometimes he comes out and stands on the driveway of my bungalow when my office car comes to drop me at my office. While I get in the car he starts walking and slowly goes out of the gate and starts walking. That day when I was passing him in my car I stopped by his side and asked where are you going on foot? come, I will drop you. He looked at me with his long and deep dreamy eyes, looked at me just for few moments then replied-You see I’m habituated of walking alone………he suddenly stopped. You are being late. Let me go on foot.

He started walking. I saw – a long shadow following him which is limping as it carries a huge sack on his back.