Loneliness

Deepak and I were born in the same town which is not less than fifty Kilometre far from Kolkata. We started our schooling in the same school, and then I left the town forever and had to change our place of living several times as my father had a transferable job. I lost Deepak some forty to forty-two years back. When I settled in Kolkata I went to the locality where our Parents and we used to live in a rented house side by side. The area was completely changed and I found no houses there. I came to know that all the houses were demolished and the land was acquired by the Government to build up highway and factories. So I got no traces of Deepak.

About ten years back We by chance met each other in a marriage ceremony of my colleague’s daughter. We were speechless for some time as I thought never in my life I would be able to meet him again. He assured me to visit my house shortly but he didn’t come and I lost his contact number.

A few days back Deepak called me over the phone and told that he would meet me on Sunday. I became cheered up as for weeks I was in bed after an accident I met with. And that time he kept his word. But he came alone as his wife was not fit to travel even this mere distance. I enjoyed the whole day with my childhood friend. He also enjoyed every moment we passed together. We recalled our old memories of even trifling thing of our childhood. Before he left I asked him to know about his next visit. He told that whenever he would get chance he would come until I become in a state to give him a return visit. He said to me-“after all I feel very lonely you know. Today I have no friends, no relatives, none. I’m alone my dear friend. Though I’m living a life which everyone from outside thinks that I’m very happy and living an enviable family life. The last sentences were echoing in my mind. Really we are alone. In this complex where I’m residing though we hang a happy life picture postcard on our faces, I do know that lonely feeling making many lives dreary.

I started thinking about what makes us feel lonely! Actually, loneliness does not mean want of company; it means the lack of ways to make one absorbed in creative thoughts. This is told by one of the great writer and critique of literature in Bengal Buddhadeb Bose. Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone; yes we the common men just describe it this way. Especially like Deepak I am too get a very few persons with whom I can discuss or share everything without hesitation and I too feel loneliness. A man can feel lonely even when he is among a crowd if he fails to interact or communicate with the persons around him. Loneliness may appear in any time. From childhood to old age loneliness may creep in one’s life. If we can’t adjust our social life we start to go to seclusion that may create loneliness or for some reasons if the people around me don’t think me suitable for them that may cause loneliness. But mostly the former one happens in our life. In childhood the difficulties to match some environment, it may be at his school or in a family may bring loneliness in his life. If the child cannot describe or convey his uneasiness he may feel lonely. Or at the old age like Deepak and I who kept our old sweet memories of the past far away and cannot cope up with the present society may feel loneliness. The young man who, every day in the morning I see from my bed, goes out driving his own car, may have feelings of loneliness at the end of the day for the sudden break up with his fiancé. So loneliness may appear at any age of the life.

The effect of these feelings is associated with severe mental problems like depression and alcoholism for adults and for children it may turn to destructive behaviour. It has negative impacts on memory and sleep pattern of an individual. It brings fatigues and a lack of energy and many other problems like cardiovascular disease and can be a cause of stroke and high blood pressure.

I can remind that incident very well. When I first came to the complex, I was showing my wife the park, swimming pool etc. which are beautifully designed and attractive. A silver hair and bearded old man with a strong stature and pleasing manner approached to me and asked-“Are you the newcomer to this complex”? I nodded. “Which block are you staying?” –he asked again. I informed him the block no. –Oh! It’s opposite to me. Fine. My answer exhilarated him. But his next words seemed very queer to me. –“Please come to the park in the evening and please don’t avoid and let me have a talk with you whenever we meet.” I could not understand why he talked that way. Now when I am aged and when I’m in bed for weeks, waiting for someone who will come and have a talk with me, I understand why the old man that day was eager to talk with someone. He was a prey to loneliness.

There is no substitute of the society, a lively society and association, where you may be free to expose yourself; you may uncover and share all the anxieties and worries with someone. But at present especially in metro cities the aged persons who mostly are migrated from suburbs or small towns and villages and live with the families of siblings, they cannot match themselves with a sudden change of their societies. The children, where the parents are both in service or in any other financial engagements and do not get much time to spare with their mostly only child they may also feel loneliness as they cannot share their agonies or fears with their parents which they experience in their childhood days, may also become prey to loneliness.

But how to solve the problem I took advice from my friend who is a renowned psychologist, He said – “The solution depends upon many things. Everyone has to think his own case individually, as there is no single medicine or method to solve the problems faced by all. But at first, we have to think of the elderly and children with utmost priority. We should not wait for the change of the society, but we have to change ourselves. We should try to spare some time for my own child or elderly members of our family maybe once a week or twice or thrice. But we should not neglect the problem and wait to get it solved by others. Because these two tense future(childhood) and past(old age) are not able to get exposed by themselves. They are to be helped by the present because we know everyone likes to be in the present and with the present.”